i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
