I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
