my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is Oprah even human
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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