Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
