sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
