I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
