Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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