I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
