Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize