I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize