Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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