So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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