Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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