youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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