if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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