I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
then he tried to convert me to islam
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
