We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
