My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize