Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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