My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
