I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
