i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
