i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
