I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
