I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
