Four minutes until I can fart!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
