There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
