he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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