the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
