I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Can I color on your dick again?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
