I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
