I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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