WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
