we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
