Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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