You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
