You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
