Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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