I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
