I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
false alarm. still invincible.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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