I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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