so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
