I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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