I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
