i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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