i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
is wine microwaveable?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
