my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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