Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
