he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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