I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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