His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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