did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
