Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
