Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
