Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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