I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
