well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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