i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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