what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
