Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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