just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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