My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
