he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
