My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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