You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
