Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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