Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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