I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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