I love black thongs
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
