you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
