You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
