He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
