I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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