i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
