I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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