Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
True college students do jello shots in the library
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
