And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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