Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
