john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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