Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
