I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We have started to decorate penises.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
